Know, don't think

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with a great SQL Guru ( he'd call himself a tinkerer ).  It was over dinner prior to SQL Server Saturday 60, and I gained a lot of nuggets of goodness.  In no particular order:

1. Remember, despite what the relational zealots say, a database is a file system: Input - Process - Output; deal with it, and use it to your advantage.

2. Know, don't think you know.  In other words, use the scientific method to be sure that he assumptions that you are making are correct.  Create a test, and experiment to verify your results.

3. Watch out for parallax.  In short: If you are looking at your speedometer, if you look from the right side, you are going 50; if you look from the left, you are going 75, but only if you look right on do you see that you are going 65.  So don't taint your results by looking at it with a bias.

4. Test with millions of records, not 50.  Just because something works with 50 records means that you just don't have any syntax errors.  If it doesn't work ( perform ) with millions of records, you are not doing it right.

5. Whatever you do, stay far, far away from torpedo fuel.

The last two points are important, but more "you had to be there":
1. Take your wife out on dates.
2. Cats are sentient.

You really had to be there.